Back ground story
From when we first met in high school two and half decades ago, he struck me as a young boy with his own opinions. Not the type that will be easily swayed by peers but rather the type that will be a gang leader someday.
Fast forward to this day I was amazed to see a cool version of the friend I once thought would be very wild so I asked him why the calmness and he said “life happened to him”. Having tasted all types of flesh (women), liquor and wild parties, it was obvious it was time to settle down. So he settled down and became a different man by his own personal convictions.
Richard, as I choose to call him now, (not Mofe Damijo of Nollywood by the way) had really transformed to a successful business man that has the good of his family as his prime focus.
One thing led to another and we truly shared some moments of rich history of our high school days, street days, and now our married lives and the challenges of raising kids in my office.
Not all men are bad afterall
In all I figured that Richard had changed tremendously and I admired the man he had become. I watched the emphasis on his face while he explained how happily he does chores at home, does the school runs and still does the shopping while still being the bread winner at home.
I remember how difficult it is for some Christian men to be bread winners and still do assists in their homes. The worst is some are not even the bread winners yet their ego will not allow them render assists in their home for their so called lovely family even as ‘godly’ men.
There is this old fashioned sense of pride and entitlement that is found in primitive African men that makes them treat their women as second class citizens but I didn’t find this attitude in Richard, a typical Ijaw man, he was different and I admired him loudly.
So I asked a question that gave rise to this passionate appeal to all women especially the type of wife he married.
My question was “in the face of all these divorce and separation that is so predominant in marriages across Africa, I hope his family was not going down that road. And his answer or the lessons he shared later, shocked me, coming from the Richard I knew..
Point blank he said homes Break because they were not prepared for the journey.
Then Richard began to share a few things he had to bear to keep his family going.
1. The chores in his house for instance his laundry is never done to his taste but… If he complains about it, Roselyn his wife has a way of subjecting him to cheap emotional black mail.
Roselyn will make comments like he always wants her to be enslaved before he will be satisfied without hearing him out.. meanwhile all he wanted was soak these undies in warm water, use some bleach, before putting them in the washing machine.
Truth: women cause more problems in the home
So why the talk of slavery if you will finally wash with a machine whereas there are millions of women who wash with their hands and are happily ‘slaving’ for their husbands. What if there was no washing machine in the house? What then will be the charge?
Sometimes, honestly men are not the problems in the house at all. There is a washer, a heater, enough detergent. Just be painstaking enough to do the laundry properly as though you are paid for it. Simple! But Roselyn will rather use the stressful way of emotional blackmail to have her way and justify her LAZINESS in this area.
Another instance was raised because of the use of the word slavery; Richard does all the shopping and the cooking most times. Infact he categorically said he cooks more times than Roselyn so where is the need for the word ‘ Slavery‘ apart from that it’s just an emotional blackmail.
So he asked me should he because of these flaws, make trouble? No of course because he was ready before entering marriage hence he was ready to always cover her lapses and expect that she should make amends with time. But it will be up to her to make those amendments if she is wise.
Now here’s the crux
Richard went further to say some men cannot build their homes because as the day goes on the ALTERNATIVES are cheaper.
Some men don’t understand why they should keep coming home to meet all types of stress from their wives as against hanging out with ladies that give them nothing but immediate ‘fun‘.
Truth is Sex and Relationship outside the marriage is so cheap now that it looks easier for a man to avoid the stress at home and flex the remaining days of his life. After all life expectancy in Africa is about 50 years for men.
That talk or feeling of ‘must I be enslaved to make you happy’ is not called for in a marriage. Marriage involves commitments. Real commitments to every aspect of life not just sexual commitments.
Marriage is for adults (not by age but by maturity). Women should grow up and get ready to handle issues without compounding them
Because much of what happens when women want to handle a matter is that they end up compounding the matters. And they knowingly deny everyone involved of peace including themselves.
As a matter of fact, Women should get ready to deal with the fact that their men may be flirting and still love them and the family enough to go through the sacrifices for their good. Meanwhile I am not cutting the men slack here but most women have never really handled this particular matter.
Women should be ready to handle issues that relates to their men having children outside by mistake or willingly. Wise women should know that there are other women outside who (judge them as you like) are ready to pounce on their men and get a small share of his whatever…
Women who have not had children in their marriages should be open minded enough to agree that the man may need children outside. He should be patient and they should work it out together but I am talking to the woman here.
Some women have taken very irrational positions on these basic issues that even their own brothers do not support them, being men too. Perhaps a more peaceful approach to a child outside the marriage can solve the issues amicably and you still have the marriage intact.
But some immature women (sorry to use that word) would rather spoil everything they have worked for because of such issues. Mortgaging their future and their children’s future just because they want to prove that they can’t share their husbands.
If you cannot handle issues of childessness, issues of a child from an affair during the marriage.. then you need to seek for counselling because these issues are like a ticking time bomb ready to explode any day.
Women please relax.. cut your man some slack. Give him some peace. Stop shouting and crying at the same time. The only emotional thing that works on a man is Sex not shouts and tears. Stop driving your man away from you.
Happiness attracts and moodiness repels.
Pity your husband, help him live above fifty years except you are in a haste to be a widow. Let him rest happily at home. Stop being a supervisor. Your home should not be another office.
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Some pictures are gotten from Google