relationships Young Men Alliance

EXCLUSIVE….. calls from my Ex that nearly destroyed my home

This is a true life Story but the names and the identities of the persons have been detached from the story. The story is written here purely for the purpose of learning and interaction.

The pictures used are not from the real Story. They are pure modeling pictures from great values blog.

So fifteen years ago I got married to the love of my life and years after we are still feeling like it was just yesterday.

The secret?
We were both ready for marriage.

Did we have problems? Yes! So many!

How did we get through it? We got through it with understanding. I know her, she knows me and we know what we wanted out of life.

How did you guys grow the understanding? We grew it from each experience we had. And with time we were masters of ourselves and each other.

Can you remember your first major problem?

There is one I remember but I am not too sure if it was the first major problem. But that problem was important because it helped us build trust.

Barely two months after our marriage, my Ex date who married before me began Calling my line ”innocently” to confide in me and ask for counsel on how to handle her own marital issues.

I was a pastor so I was inclined to help but the calls used to be very long. The least was 20 mins ( sometime it could get to one hour thirty minutes). And the calls usually come when I am still home or about to leave home for work so sometimes I am telling my wife good bye with gestures because I was still on the call and am running late. It happened for a while.

My wife got upset or jealous or protective and began to doubt me somehow. She had to confront me on it. I brushed it off because I was very sure of my innocence (wrong move).

Marriage is not a one person affair. If you are convinced, you have to be sure your partner is equally convinced about same thing or else there will be issues.

While I was brushing my wife’s questions off, it was eating her up. Till she handled the matter in a way it would have wrecked our young marriage.

I don’t know how she pulled it off but she reached out to my Ex’s husband on phone and social media and they both began working together to separate me and my Ex (on the assumption that we are still intimate).

So they both agreed that my wife was to block me and my ex’s husband was to block his wife so that we will not have the opportunity to continue whatever we were doing.

Well I was not even aware that every discussion was done from my phone at night when I should have been sound asleep with my credit and data.

All I discovered was, my ex stopped calling for a space of one month. I knew the counselling session was not done but maybe God had helped her quicken the solution to her marital issues, so I didn’t even bother calling back.

After one month she calls and tells me the hell she went through from her husband the whole period because of what my wife reported to him.. and I was like how possible could that be?

While she was having heat in her home, mine was quiet because I wasn’t calling her back for any reason.

She felt the heat because she always wanted to call me back to receive advise on her marital issues because she trusted I was going to give the best sincere answers. Then of course she was restrained by her husband the whole period.

She was visibly shocked when she found out I was not even aware that my phone was used, my data was used, meetings were held between our spouses, agreements were reached, and her husband was strictly observing his part of the agreement by restraining her and I was still not aware of it all??

I can’t tell you now how I felt when I heard all these from my Ex about the extent my wife could go?

Was it true? Can my good and innocent wife go through all these stress just to be sure I am not cheating?

Couldn’t she have trusted me when I assured her we had nothing?

Must she have gone that far to talking to the lady’s husband? What if the man was not buying what she was telling him?

What if he reacted wrongly by perhaps accusing me of distracting his wife?

Then also why didn’t my wife use her phone to do all the conversations?

How could I be sleeping with the assumption that my wife is sleeping too only to later discover she was fighting not sleeping?

Why didn’t my wife just simply trust me when I said I was just counseling?

Meanwhile when she later found out there was nothing between us she didn’t tell me sorry for all the suspicion.

I can tell you for free that matters smaller than this has broken families but we survived it and never had a reason to doubt one another again.

I told you earlier that our marriage survived because the both of us were ready for marriage. We easily built understanding because we knew each other and knew what we wanted out of life.

I will leave the finer details of how exactly the matter was fully resolved between me and my wife till the next post where I will say it all as it happened but for now.. know that every couple has their share of issues.

Their issue becomes their defining moment and whatever happens in future will be drawn from how they handled that issue.

Just think of any couple that you admire so much, like the Bishop’s family or the Governor’s family, they all have their fair share of issues.

You are not alone in the business of having issues. The way you react to these issues you are facing now will give birth to more issues or it will silence other issues before they even come up. It’s up to you!

Your maturity will make a big issue small and resolvable while your immaturity will make a small issue big and bad…

Watch out for the concluding part of this true life story.

Thanks for reading, commenting and sharing..

I guess you have questions

Feel free and ask and every question will be answered..